What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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