My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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