Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
