I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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