I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
