I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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