How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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