i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Such a big mess for such a small penis
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
