some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
