My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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