Come see our sink grown plant.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
