And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
