We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
