you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
