i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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