she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I need moral support for this bender
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
