If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize