goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
