There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
