I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
