Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
