There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
