Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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