I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The beer is more important than you right now.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
