so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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