It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
