sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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