You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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