hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
