I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
