It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
