he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
