Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
