i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
