am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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