I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
