Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
