i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
