my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
