Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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