Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
