I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
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Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
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Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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