I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize