My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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