I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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