All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
