hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
