K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
