When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I believe in your delicious
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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