I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
