im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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