one might say we're banned from that church
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
