He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
this beer tastes like vomit already
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
