I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
