He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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