And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
