Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
