I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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