Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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