why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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