i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
