i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
