You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just want nice things and good sex
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
