I hate all girls vehemently.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
