Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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